Spring Purge

And while I am exceptional at rationalizing – truthfully, my nephews Kai and McAllister may one day fight over the baby blue “I Don’t Call 911” T-shirt I purchased at a Vegas firing range - I suspect that the VIA Rail baggage restriction I needed to adhere to on my recent move did me a favour, exposing the selfish, hoarding, pack rat I’ve become.

Now I say this because I am not alone in my folly. No one that I’ve ever met, male or female, likes spring cleaning. Simply, it sucks, and not only because it’s cleaning. It sucks because it forces you to face a couple of hard truths: 1) that no matter how long you’re going to hang on to that fitted T-shirt, it’s never going to fit you the way it did in your 20s, and 2) that you should probably seek professional help, because you waste a hell of a lot of money on stuff you just end up throwing out.

Anyway, as the summer approaches and the khakis and linens emerge, here are four simple things to keep in mind come closet-cleaning time.

1) GONE IN SIX

While this doesn’t apply to things like tuxedos, suits and weather-dependant items, the standard advice is that if you haven’t worn something in a year, get rid of it. Personally, I think that’s too long. If it’s been six months since you sported a pair of jeans or a shirt, chances are good you’re not going to again. Remember, the things you like and feel good in don’t sit in the closet. You wear them.

2) THE JUST-IN-CASE TIME NEVER COMES

This may be more a female phenomenon, but the whole “just-in-case” thing is really quite stupid. We all know that time never comes. Hef’s never going to invite you to the Mansion, so get rid of the silk smoking jacket. One exception: if you need motivation for weight loss, allow yourself one judging item, not 20. For example, I’m currently holding on to a pair of $300 Nudie’s that have, since Christmas, become a bit snug. I didn’t, however, keep the 300 tight T-shirts I hoped would one day fit again.

3) WE'RE MEN, NOT EMOTIONAL SAPS

To be sure, I have cried while speaking at both of my sibling’s weddings. Sucky as it may be, I didn’t keep the tie I was wearing for sentimental value. I tied it around my head during the dance and then threw it out. With the exception of an autographed band shirt, let pictures hold those special memories, not your closet.

4) IT'S GOOD TO GIVE

A couple of summers ago, I lived at the McLaren hotel for a month and noticed that many people can fit all their worldly possessions in a ratty gym bag. To them, tattered clothing and torn runners are the norm. Understand that what you’re having a hard time letting go of can be used elsewhere, by someone that definitely needs it more than you. Unless it’s garbage, give it away. There are a number of organizations around town that would gladly take it off your hands.